the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
