so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize