I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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