right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
