Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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