Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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