the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
