Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
