i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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