new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
