dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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