Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
