i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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