my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize