I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
