The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
