How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
