we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize