Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
