All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
