Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
