I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
