Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
