Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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