They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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