is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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