I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
