i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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