rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He better not be in your backpack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize