Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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