I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
