i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
