and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
