You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
