Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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