I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
