so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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