clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
