She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
