I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
