I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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