i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
