I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
