i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize