textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
