i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
