If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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