Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
