I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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