I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
