This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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