Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
