His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
