i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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