Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
