i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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