I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
