I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
