I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
