wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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