i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
