what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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