I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
