You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
