I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have already put on my inside pants.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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