There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my poor anus
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
