If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
