seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
