Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
