He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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