I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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