I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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