how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
