Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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