somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
