I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
