Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
