we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to make out with him forever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
